Proj. No. 3 - The Greatest Gift

A speech should have a purpose and once you know your purpose, everything else that you say has to lead to that purpose - to that point, if you will. And that’s what Project No. 3 was all about - to get to the point. So, without further ado, I present to you: Speech No. 3.

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What’s the greatest gift you’ve given someone you love?

Was it something that he/she wanted most in life? A dress? A car? The most expensive jewelry piece that took you two jobs, 5 bank loans, 10 years, and 3 loan sharks to pay?

Was it the beach wedding and then the family or families he/she always wanted. Or what is the four letter word that you always avoided saying but always did during your time together — L - O - V - E.

Two days ago i had an online conversation with a friend who lamented that she was a lousy girlfriend. I asked her why and she said that she didn’t attend to her boyfriend’s needs. Surely, I had the biggest grin. In my naughty mind, I felt that the conversation was becoming more interesting so I prodded her to open up. I was all ears.

She said her boyfriend always wanted to know where she was, what she was doing and who she was with - 24/7. For lack of better terms, he always wanted to “be in the loop.”

"Your boyfriend is just probably concerned," I said, thinking that the concern stemmed from the four letter word — L - O - V - E. But I held back because I realized, through his actions, that what he was showing her wasn’t really love. It was insecurity, selfishness and pride wrapped in a very nice package and a disclaimer that says, "I trust you but I don't trust the people around you."

Most men have this natural instinct to protect others; to be the champion protector from all that is harmful: real or imagined. Is it hardwired into our DNA? I don't know.

However, I believe that the greatest gift you can give someone you truly care for is not "overprotectiveness" nor is it love or any of the material things I previously mentioned.

The greatest gift you can give is space. The space for the other person to grow and be himself/herself.

Space is the imaginary shield that protects us. It is everyone’s first line of defense. Breaking this bubble leads to the loss of their personal security, even worse - lawsuits.

As difficult as it may be for us to accept, it is this space that makes us breathe, that makes us live. When we impose our beliefs on others, we deprive them of their right to be inspired, to think for themselves and be free.

Like fine sand in our hand, the more we clench our fist, the more it seeps away. Nature has to take its course. Keep your significant other chained or under tight watch and I’m certain that someday he/she will prove how independent he/she can really be — without us in their lives.

I told my friend to see her situation from the other side of the fence. Maybe he didn't understand her needs. Maybe he needed to give her space. Only time will tell, if they are really meant for each other and I hope that she soon realizes how she wants her relationship with her boyfriend to grow.

So, the next time someone you love asks for space, do so. Next to that most expensive piece of jewelry that took you 2 jobs, 5 bank loans, 10 years, and 3 loan sharks to pay, it is probably the greatest gift you can ever give.